To forgive and forget: A Gender Difference

by Lulu G. Canlas, MARCH 2022

To forgive and forget is a well-known idiom. A fascinating US study in 2008 has suggested that forgiveness does not come naturally for both sexes, with males finding it harder to forgive than females. But that can change if men develop empathy toward an offender by seeing they may also be capable of similar actions. Then the gender gap closes, and men become less vengeful.

Photo by Magda Ehlers on Pexels.com

And so, we asked MPT South male and female employees whether they ‘forgive and forget’ or forgive and remember.’ Here are their responses.

FEMALE EMPLOYEES

Fourteen out of the 20 MPT South female employees responded remembering after forgiving.

EMPLOYEE DIVISIONREMEMBERING BECAUSE…
Abegail C. GanTollways Development and EngineeringTo not repeat the circumstance that once hurt you.
Nathy C. OrquinazaTollways Development and EngineeringForget the negative and hurtful things. Then remember the lesson, the great impact, and the beautiful blessings and hope.
Rojean B. BaledadTollways Development and EngineeringBecause when you forgive you heal, and when you let go, you will grow and learned.
Maria Victoria M. ArellanoTollways Development and EngineeringTo avoid being in the same situation. Take it as lessons learned.
Maria Miarosa E. DerriegaTollways Development and EngineeringDefinitely, a person can forgive in due time but to forget it’s hard for me.
Carina Garcia- AlbarTechnology ManagementDahil para sakin madaling magpatwad pero napakahirap makalimot lalu na sa mga bagay na talagang nakasakit sakin o sa mga taong mahalaga sa akin, naniniwala naman ako sa second chance pero mahirap na ibalik yung tulad ng dati lalu na kung sobra ka nasaktan.
Pauline Renz P. VillanuevaTechnology Management“Forgiving is not forgetting; it’s actually remembering — remembering and not using your right to hit back. It’s a second chance for a new beginning. And the remembering part is particularly important. Especially if you don’t want to repeat what happened.” -Desmond Tutu
Ingrid Von D. LazoSupply Chain Management and InsuranceWe need to remember what happened in order to learn and to never repeat the same mistakes again. We can free ourselves from the situation by forgiving but we should never forget in order to protect ourselves from hurting again.
Gemma M. CasapeOperations ManagementI really do forgive but never forget. When someone did something bad to me, I can easily forgive them but for my own sake I never did forget what they did; just a lesson learned.
Rechelle B. LemaOperations ManagementThere are instances that you can forgive someone who has done something to you but it takes time to heal. That’s why you will remember it over and over again.
Arlynn B. PapioOperations ManagementI forgive and remember. Hard? Yes! But it is possible. The act of forgiving strengthens people’s commitment to a healthy relationship.
Rea Joy K. FloresOperations ManagementForgive and Remember, as a woman. Forgive but never forget or you will be hurt again, Forgiving changes the perspectives forgetting losses the lesson
Leslie C. SaulogCommunication and Stakeholder ManagementDahil hindi mo kailangang kalimutan ang mga bagay na napatawad mo na.
Margie S. DanesFinanceWe could easily forgive others but it doesn’t necessarily mean that we forgot about the things already done. We still remember, but the pain has already vanished if we forgive wholeheartedly.

Male Employees

Eight out of the 15 MPT South male employees responded remembering after forgiving.

EMPLOYEE DIVISIONREMEMBERING BECAUSE…
Marvin M. SenonTollways Development and EngineeringDepends on the situation.
Ernesto T. Espiritu, Jr.Tollways Development and EngineeringI forgive but sometimes I remember specially when it happened the second time around
Marvin M. ColomaTollways Development and EngineeringForgiveness gives us peace of mind/heart and is essential to constantly flow the abundance within our life, but we must Remember the lessons it teaches us. Sharing a quote from JFKennedy, “Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names!”
David L. FuleOperations ManagementBecause sometimes its impossible to forget, except syempre sa exam, madami ako nakakalimutan, hehe but i always forgive my self naman sa mga ganyang situation
Arnel NatividadOperations ManagementFor me, always learn to FORGIVE not only because you want peace, but also for your own happiness (your heart). If someone hurt, you or deceive you – Be kind and forgive. Because forgiveness can be the best gift not only for yourself but also to others. Also, when you FORGIVE it shows that you are being mature, brave, and capable of self-forgiveness to forgive others. REMEMBER Past is always past. We can only use the past as inspiration and lessons for you to move forward and become a better person. We should always remember that whatever has happened in the past, it is either help you to know yourself better or know the real people surrounding you.
Heinz Reimann D. OraisFinanceForgive, Forget but Remember 🙂 When you truly FORGIVE, you must FORGET to really move forward, but REMEMBER so bad things won’t happen again.
Neil Franco V. LacsonCommunication and Stakeholder ManagementForgive and Remember so that history will never repeat itself #neveragain

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, condoning, or excusing whatever happened. It’s acknowledging hurt and then letting it go, along with the burden of anger and resentment.

Source:

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/03/080303145228.htm

http://archive.indianexpress.com/news/males-find-it-harder-to-forgive-than-females-study/280208/

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About the writer:

Lulu G. Canlas. A kind-hearted individual who helps others express their feelings, shake off their burden through the power of writing and expressing their thought.

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